Quick Slant – Brady, Wallace, Te’o, Bush, and the Whale’s Vagina
Every so often it’s good to kick back, feet up in your lazy-boy, and turn on the NFL Network. We all do that, as we stare unflinchingly at the ticker and that little menu on the side that tells us what the guys are gonna ramble on about next. And like you, I look forward to the serenity of the whole thing – no bills to pay, kids to caravan and dogs to walk. It’s just me and my flatscreen.
While I’ve been told I have Charles Dickens Complex (no comments please, I admit it) in that I find the most amount of words to say the simplest things, I will fight every urge as I bring you Quick Slant. Wish me luck..
Tom Brady cements his legacy by signing for way, way less than market value. Ummm, I hope Mike Wallace is paying attention……Speaking of Mike Wallace, teams better be on high alert. This guy gives corners and safeties more fits than trying to sort out what’s goin’ on at a Jags practice. Better he’s on your team than against it……The Steelers have just now realized that they have a “bit” of a salary problem. Renegotiating Timmons’ and Big Ben’s contracts are a MUST……Apparently Reggie Bush is looking for the second biggest free agent contract of his career. It still isn’t as much as he was paid at USC……We have learned that Manti Te’o isn’t just slow in social situations. Just ask anyone at the combine. Apparently his new nickname is “Molasses”……In the case of who is a bigger suck, in one corner we have Darrelle Revis, a once hold-out suck extraordinaire. But in the other we have Richard Sherman, who is still in Huggies. Sources close to LWOS say Sherman’s new nickname is “San Diego”, which we are told means “Whale’s Vagina” in Spanish. Maybe we’ll get confirmation on Twitter….Trying to figure out where Dwight Freeney will end up is like trying to guess what’s going to come out of Terry Bradshaw‘s mouth at any given time……
That’s all I have for you today. I’m a little exhausted and that ticker has left me slightly cross-eyed – I’ll get that checked out. But don’t fret. If there’s one thing we can be sure of, is that someone will do something stupid – very stupid – sometime very soon. And when they do, both you and I will see it flashing on our screens several times (because we never just read the ticker once, right?).
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